Oh No, Not "Dallas: The Movie"!

This is one series I never thought I would see remade into a big-screen Hollywood production: "Dallas", the television series that was practically synonymous with the 1980s. I still have nightmares about Sue Ellen's accent and shoulder pads.

For someone from Texas, and from Dallas County, at that, this is a flashback to stereotypes. The first time I ever set foot in England, I was asked repeatedly if I had ever met J.R. and if I lived near Southfork. (I didn't live too far away, actually. My youngest sister's wedding was in a little country church just down the road from the real Southfork.) Most people don't realise that after the first couple of years, it was mostly filmed in California. It definitely wasn't filmed in Dallas. That area is as flat as a pancake, so the mountains in the background were a dead giveaway.

The most authentic thing about the original series was Larry Hagman, who is a real-life Native Texan. To qualify as a "Native Texan", you have to have been born in the state. Moving there at a very young age doesn't qualify you. Therefore, my son Ricky qualifies as a Native Texan because he was born in Richardson despite the fact that he moved to England when he was six months old and speaks with an English accent. George W. Bush, on the other hand, is not a Native Texan. He might have a Texas drawl and a ranch, but he was born outside the Texas borders, so he doesn't count. Thank goodness for that.

Still, the "Dallas" movie should be interesting, to say the least. The writer has promised that it will be more like the television series "on acid". And he's promised there's no Bobby Ewing shower scene.