Kids Can Be Very Cruel

I've always know that most kids have a cruel streak in them. If you're a parent, especially if you have more than one child, all you have to do is listen to them fighting to know that they don't think before they speak. My kids aren't perfect, and they certainly fight amongst themselves. I have a house rule that you don't say anything to anyone else that isn't positive, but that doesn't stop them from the sibling rivalry crap when they think I can't hear.

I'm not, however, used to the cruel remarks being aimed at me, and I'm certainly not used to them coming from my 15 year old son Braden.

Braden has always been the thoughtful child. He's the caring, sensitive and loving one who isn't afraid to give his mum a hug in front of his friends. Of his own free will, of course. I would never ask him to do it in front of "the guys".

Today when he came in from school, he said, "Malorie tells me that when we're 18, if we want to move to America you won't pay for the flights".

We've lived in England since the start of 1998. I've paid for I don't know how many flights, with no help from their father (although plenty of help from mine) in the past seven + years. When they turn 18, I'm free from that financial burden. I confirmed that I had, indeed, said that.

Braden's response was, "I'll just get my dad to pay for my flight then".

That wasn't a surprise either. I've known that Braden is ambitious. He wants to get into car design, and his chances are better in the US than in England. Not car design as in engineering, by the way. Car design as in "pimp my ride" stuff.

Then he announced that when he's 16, he's going to quit school and go to work for one of the local banks for two years. Evidently they were in his school today recruiting from the best and brightest of the 15 year olds. That infuriated me for a start. It's hard enough convincing kids to stay in school without businesses going into the classroom and try to explain how paying them £13,000 a year without the need for qualifications is the best way forward for them.

I told him he most definitely will be staying in school until he's 18.

"I won't. I'm going to go to work for the bank and make £13,000 a year and then move to the US. And my dad will pay for it".

It was all I could do to stop myself from saying, "Oh yeah? How come when I kicked your dad out, he told me I could have you, he only wanted Malorie?" But I couldn't do that to him. Instead I sat at my desk and cried quietly where he couldn't hear me.

I went through this with Malorie last year, only without the recruitment attempts from banks. She announced that she was going to move to Texas and live with her dad when she turns 18 because he said he'll buy her a new car. Since then, she's changed her mind. She's 16 now, but she's staying on at school and wants to live in England when she's finished. She knows it will hurt her dad to tell him, but she said she realises that if she moves to Texas, her dad will only use her as a carer and she'll have little freedom to do her own thing.

I don't believe in emotionally blackmailing my kids. They get enough of that from their dad. I think that's backfired where Malorie, especially, is concerned. Having him cry on the phone and tell them that he's scared they won't move to be with him when they're 18 has shown her that he's only interested in himself.

I only hope that if Braden does move to the US, he does it for the right reasons.