Celebrity Bloopers
Just so people don't think I neglect bloopers from people other than George Dubya:
Stupid Celebrity Quotes from handbag.com [with commentary by Melinda]
'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.'
Brooke Shields
[If you're dumb, you've lost a very important part of your ... whatever it is.]
'I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.'
Britney Spears
[But the boat trip across the water is hell!]
'I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.'
Alicia Silverstone
[I see where you're coming from. It's a light kind of deepness, like the pain you get in your head when you eat ice cream too quickly.]
'When people wear shoes that don't fit them, it says something about their soul. Generally, I think it means they are good people.'
Billy Bob Thornton
[I think it says more about their soles than their souls.]
'I can spend hours in a grocery store. I get so excited when I see food, I go crazy. I spend hours arranging my baskets so that everything fits in and nothing gets squashed. I'm really anal about it, actually.'
Cameron Diaz
[Anal and food do not go well together in a quote.]
'My child was not only carried by me, but by the universe.'
Celine Dion
[I refuse to pay child support.]
'Mum, have I sung at the Hollywood Bowl?'
Charlotte Church
[Mum, what is the Hollywood Bowl?]
'So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?'
Christina Aguilera
[Toledo, Ohio.]
'It's not that I'm stupid. I just don't think sometimes.'
Colin Farrell
[Well you're excused then. Not.]
'I think God is a giant vibrator in the sky ... a pulsating force of incredible energy.'
Davie Arquette
[I don't want to know ...]
'Underwear is such an emotional thing.'
Elle MacPherson
[Mine is kind of quiet unless it has PMT.]
'Is East Anglia abroad?'
Jade Goody
[No, Jade. You are a broad.]
'I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people.'
Keanu Reeves
[I know which one you are.]
'I called my son Jett and I wanted to call my daughter Qantas but my wife wouldn't let me.'
John Travolta
[You should have married Victoria Beckham.]
'I pick my nose and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If there's a bogey then just pick it, man.'
Justin Timberlake
[I can see why he and Britney were a couple.]
'Everytime we sing one of our songs (the baby) starts kicking as if to say, 'Shut up, I've heard enough.''
Natasha Hamilton
[Funny, I've heard others say that as well.]
'I have been the artist with the longest career, and I am so proud and honoured to be chosen from heaven to be invincible.'
Michael Jackson
[Let's hear you say that if you're sent to prison and someone wants you to be his bitch.]
'There's a sculpture in our bedroom, a solid brass replica of Antonio's manhood. It's very expensive, he gave it to me as a romantic gift.'
Melanie Griffith
[Who said romance is dead?]
'Some men send me condoms and underpants. I'm not sure what they want.'
Martine McCutcheon
[Nope. It's just too easy.]
'You wake up in the morning and you look at your old spoon, and you say to yourself, "Mick, it's time to get yourself a new spoon." And you do.'
Mick Jagger
[But he draws the line at buying new knives and forks.]
'I feel safe in white because deep down inside, I'm an angel.'
P Diddy
[I feel safe in yellow but it doesn't make me a banana.]
'I enjoy the company of cattle. I really enjoy knowing them, running my hand over them.'
Russell Crowe
[Which is only legal in Louisiana.]
'I dress sexily - but not in an obvious way. Sexy in a virginal way.'
Victoria Beckham
[Sexy virgins. Sounds like a bad porn flick.]
'I think it is OK to sleep with strippers, it is a choice. It's a good thing that I got that sort of thing out of my system by now!'
Orlando Bloom
[I can see members of a certain forum for writers queueing up for pole dancing lessons.]
'When I start a movie, the first day, I feel like a duck.'
Penelope Cruz
[If it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck, it's a duck.]
Stupid Celebrity Quotes from handbag.com [with commentary by Melinda]
'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.'
Brooke Shields
[If you're dumb, you've lost a very important part of your ... whatever it is.]
'I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.'
Britney Spears
[But the boat trip across the water is hell!]
'I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.'
Alicia Silverstone
[I see where you're coming from. It's a light kind of deepness, like the pain you get in your head when you eat ice cream too quickly.]
'When people wear shoes that don't fit them, it says something about their soul. Generally, I think it means they are good people.'
Billy Bob Thornton
[I think it says more about their soles than their souls.]
'I can spend hours in a grocery store. I get so excited when I see food, I go crazy. I spend hours arranging my baskets so that everything fits in and nothing gets squashed. I'm really anal about it, actually.'
Cameron Diaz
[Anal and food do not go well together in a quote.]
'My child was not only carried by me, but by the universe.'
Celine Dion
[I refuse to pay child support.]
'Mum, have I sung at the Hollywood Bowl?'
Charlotte Church
[Mum, what is the Hollywood Bowl?]
'So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?'
Christina Aguilera
[Toledo, Ohio.]
'It's not that I'm stupid. I just don't think sometimes.'
Colin Farrell
[Well you're excused then. Not.]
'I think God is a giant vibrator in the sky ... a pulsating force of incredible energy.'
Davie Arquette
[I don't want to know ...]
'Underwear is such an emotional thing.'
Elle MacPherson
[Mine is kind of quiet unless it has PMT.]
'Is East Anglia abroad?'
Jade Goody
[No, Jade. You are a broad.]
'I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people.'
Keanu Reeves
[I know which one you are.]
'I called my son Jett and I wanted to call my daughter Qantas but my wife wouldn't let me.'
John Travolta
[You should have married Victoria Beckham.]
'I pick my nose and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If there's a bogey then just pick it, man.'
Justin Timberlake
[I can see why he and Britney were a couple.]
'Everytime we sing one of our songs (the baby) starts kicking as if to say, 'Shut up, I've heard enough.''
Natasha Hamilton
[Funny, I've heard others say that as well.]
'I have been the artist with the longest career, and I am so proud and honoured to be chosen from heaven to be invincible.'
Michael Jackson
[Let's hear you say that if you're sent to prison and someone wants you to be his bitch.]
'There's a sculpture in our bedroom, a solid brass replica of Antonio's manhood. It's very expensive, he gave it to me as a romantic gift.'
Melanie Griffith
[Who said romance is dead?]
'Some men send me condoms and underpants. I'm not sure what they want.'
Martine McCutcheon
[Nope. It's just too easy.]
'You wake up in the morning and you look at your old spoon, and you say to yourself, "Mick, it's time to get yourself a new spoon." And you do.'
Mick Jagger
[But he draws the line at buying new knives and forks.]
'I feel safe in white because deep down inside, I'm an angel.'
P Diddy
[I feel safe in yellow but it doesn't make me a banana.]
'I enjoy the company of cattle. I really enjoy knowing them, running my hand over them.'
Russell Crowe
[Which is only legal in Louisiana.]
'I dress sexily - but not in an obvious way. Sexy in a virginal way.'
Victoria Beckham
[Sexy virgins. Sounds like a bad porn flick.]
'I think it is OK to sleep with strippers, it is a choice. It's a good thing that I got that sort of thing out of my system by now!'
Orlando Bloom
[I can see members of a certain forum for writers queueing up for pole dancing lessons.]
'When I start a movie, the first day, I feel like a duck.'
Penelope Cruz
[If it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck, it's a duck.]
posted by Melinda at 1/22/2005 02:33:00 pm
2 Comments:
LOL! Thanks for this blog entry, it has to rank as one of the funniest I have read and certainly the funniest in recent memory. I hope you don't mind but I have posted it on my blog (of course with credit to you).
http://ihavearachnoiditis.info/blog/2005/01/insanity-from-melindas-scrambled-mind.html
I'm glad you liked it, and thank you very much for the link on your blog! I laughed until my sides ached when I read the quotes. I sure hope I can find more soon! :-)
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