Diary Entry

12.56 pm I am not having a good day! It started off badly when Simon woke up being a total grump and completely miserable. He kept looking at me as if I were some kind of monster. When I told him that Braden wasn't going to school because he's hurt his back, Simon turned on me, "Well he's NOT going on the computer while he's off school!" I told him not to shout at me, so he shouted, "I'm not shouting at you! But he was fine when he was sitting at the computer last night!" For someone who suffers from chronic back pain, he sure is lacking in sympathy. You only had to take one look at Braden to see he was telling the truth. He was practically in tears and white as a sheet. I think he's pulled some muscles in his back, and while he was asleep they locked up.

Then Simon discovered the dog had shit in his office. Mitch was terrified. Poor thing, he was cowering at the back door, shaking so badly I thought he was going to have a fit.

Jack is home from school today, too. He had a dentist appointment this morning, and she ended up extracting a molar (fortunately a baby tooth), so I've kept him home where I can make sure he doesn't start bleeding again. He doesn't sit still very long, and he needs to for a while. It means I haven't done anything on my criminal law essay.

But that's not the worst of it. The council have messed up our rent rebate! They've suddenly decided that, when they decided to give us rent rebate from last May, they must have made a mistake, so they've taken it back! That's a lot of money from all the way back to last May we have to pay back now. I'm seriously considering cancelling my trip to Belgium next month. The shop isn't making any money. I think we should give it up and just work from home with an internet company. We can always get a cheap storage unit if we end up needing one. I was afraid this was going to happen, as small businesses are really suffering, but we could have stuck it out if it weren't for this rent rebate thing on our house! I think one of my New Year's goals has just shot it. Until we pay back the arrears, we can't buy the house. Then again, if I have to, the next installment of my student loan can go towards paying off a huge chunk, if not all of what we have owing at the beginning of April.

Simon's pissed off at me again. When I phoned him to tell him about the letter from the council, he said, "Are you coming up here to work a couple of hours?" I said I thought we'd arranged that he'd work all day today and I'd work all day tomorrow, that way he can have a lie in in the morning. He's not happy with that. He wants me to come in for a couple of hours today, but when I asked if he was going to work a couple of hours tomorrow, he just snapped, "It doesn't matter". He must have PMT, because he's worse than I am when I have it! I said I'd come up there, but he's pissed off and now Jack is crying because he wants me to stay home with him until his dad comes to pick him up.

Sometimes I just want to run away from home.

2.08 pm I'm trying to get my concentration in gear, but until Jack leaves in an hour, there's not much I can do on the school work. He keeps wanting to give me hugs, and how can I turn that down? He seems fine after his trip to the dentist, though the novocaine is wearing off now. It's not stopping him from jumping all over the place though! He's been trying to give Braden a hug, but Braden doesn't want one.

Looks like Shell and I are out tonight. I sure could use it! I told Simon I'm not drinking a lot because I have all this homework to do and have to go in to the shop in the morning. So much for getting in gear to get the studying done. At least I still have a few hours to make some progress. I want it finished tomorrow night so I can start on the next one on Sunday.

6.39 pm Simon's still in a bad mood. He came home from work and never said a word to me. He just went straight upstairs and went to bed. Nice. I can tell when he's mad at me because if I hug him, he only touches me with his hands clenched. If he's not mad at me, his palms are open. He's definitely fist clenching now, like he can't bear to touch me.

I'm trying to do my nails and type at the same time. How silly is that? I figured I better do something since I'm going out later. My nails look like someone has been hacking at them with something dull, but it's only where they've broken from typing. Glittery nail varnish hides a multitude of sins.

11.59 pm I needed that night out! Clowne has become so boring, but we had a few drinks and then decided to go back to Shell's for coffee. That was great! We ended up ordering burgers and chips with cheese and pigging out! Brilliant! It's always nicer when we can hear each other and don't get knocked around in the crowd. This summer we actually walked back to her house, stopping to have a pee in a field, because we were bored with the pubs. I sometimes wonder why we bother, but we always do.

Simon seems better now. We've had a chat about the possibility of closing the shop down and running the business from home with lower overhead. We'll see what happens after he speaks to the council on Monday. We can't afford to pay off all we owe to the council AND keep the shop AND buy the house. There's nothing to say we can't try again when the website is drawing in more customers and we can afford a better location.

My ebay auction for Oxfam is up to £26! Wow, that's more than I'd hoped for! I wanted to raise at least £10, so this is fab!