Googlisms

There's a site on Google where you can type in your name and it comes up with the "google" meaning of your name. I typed in mine and got:

melinda is just yours (And whose might that be?)
melinda is thirty (I'll take it!)
melinda is a couch potato (I don't like the couch much. The computer chair is better)
melinda is just yours tonight (At least we're narrowing it down a bit)
melinda is just yours tonight tattu slut with massive (Fill in the blanks)
melinda is magic at lady luck (So why can't I win the lottery?)
melinda is just yours tonight holy heavy hangers sexy lady network japanese schoolgirls (This is getting too kinky)
melinda is that one (Hey, it's "That Girl")
melinda is obsessed with micky dolenz (I actually met him and got his autograph once, but I gave it to my sister)
melinda is rescuing an unwed mother (Geez, I'm a saint and didn't know it)
melinda is a housewife/homemaker first (I'm a crap housewife and homemaker. Wife and mother I can do, but I'm no domestic goddess)
melinda is back (And here to stay!)
melinda is quite cute (*blush*)
melinda is worn slap out and still a bite mad (A bite mad or a bit mad? I'm beyond a bit mad, believe me)
melinda is just waiting (And getting tired of it too)
melinda is a member of the american bar association (Will they take me with an English law degree?)
melinda is great at doing flips (I'm a bit overweight to be flipping much, but I'll give anything a try once)
melinda is a good alternative (... to your garden variety lunatic)
melinda is cold and calculating (*insert evil laughter*)
melinda is a nerdette (That's anorak to you!)
melinda is just yours tonight young guy licking hot ... (I'll leave that to your imagination!)
melinda is still worried (Nuclear war, the national debt, teenage pregnancy, what's not to worry about?)
melinda is awakened from a nap by the doorbell (Damn! And I was having another awedsome dream about Mark Webber in a speedo!)
melinda is an internationally known teacher and author (Autographs after my next lecture)
melinda is so young (So-so)
melinda is a midwest farmer's daughter (I'm a southern computer geek's daughter actually)
melinda is the personification of sweetness (another *blush*)
melinda is one of the most glorious gothic vampires on the web (I vant to drink your blood!)
melinda is at her best (... when she's had a few Bailey's on ice)
melinda is working on her first book (Melinda will always be working on her first book because the damn thing doesn't seem to want to write itself!)
melinda is still building (... the office in the back garden that will save her sanity)
melinda is currently writing a memoir on her experiences growing up belly dancing in greece (Tis why I had my belly button pierced. Somewhere to hang all those veils.)
melinda is his number one suspect (No shit Sherlock)
melinda is shy and quiet (Who told you?)
melinda is now five feet (And four inches! Don't forget the four inches! They're not much, but they're mine!)
melinda is different (And proud of it!)
melinda is forever writing the never ending story (Which is another reason why I'm still working on my first book, it just never ends)
melinda is made of tea (Earl Grey? Camomile?)
melinda is a different young lady today than she was three years ago (Yes, I'm an older and more insane young lady)
melinda is working a ridiculous amount of hours (I need a holiday)
melinda is articulate and displays a maturity which belies her age (I act older than my years? Geez, I must act geriatric!)

So I did my husband's and got:

simon is the best or the happy prozzak page (Is that supposed to be Prozac? Does this mean he's the best when he's on Prozac?)
simon is being transformed ? (Geez, into what? I've only just trained him!)
simon is back (Yeah, he finished work about five hours ago)
simon is worthy of your vote (So vote as many times as you can!)
simon is surprisingly strong (For someone with a back made of glass)
simon is a god (Shhhhhhhhh! Don't tell him!)
simon is fighting for his life (With a wife like me? Not surprising!)
simon is smudge's brother (I thought he was Donna, Christian, Dean and Robert's brother? Why haven't I met Smudge?)
simon is in the room (No he isn't, unless he's hiding under my desk, and believe me, this is a tiny desk!)
simon is still at play (And he didn't invite me.)
simon is ill (Well, that's normal)
simon is easy (Yep, I managed to get him on the first date!)
simon is geboren deel twee (any translations?)
simon is not like austin powers (Thank goodness!)
simon is like austin powers (Make up your mind!)
simon is funny (When he's speaking to me)
simon is blessed and hand the cross back (Pontius Pilate wants to use it again.)
simon is a happy boy (I say that about the dog when he's wanting to hump someone's leg)
simon is laying hands on this indian man (Hey, if he wants the Indian man, that's fine by me. I won't stand in his way!)
simon is a doofus candidate (Or he would be if he had the slightest interest in politics, which he doesn't)
simon is missing in a layer of the abyss (I kept telling him to take a map! Men just refuse to ask for directions!)
simon is terug (Backwards that's "guret", which still means nothing to me)
simon is the gladiator (All Hail, Gladiator Simon. He doesn't look anything like Russell Crowe though)
simon is hypocrital at times (Well, as long as he doesn't cut up my credit card, I'm okay with that)
simon is a god look (Geez, he's going to have a major ego problem if you keep telling him that!)
simon is much more than a flatmate (Especially once I pumped him up. Get it? Flat mate? Pumped up? Never mind)
simon is enough of a kitten that his purrsonality (Simon the Sex Kitten. Scary)
simon is still hot (I told him to go cool off in the shower, but he won't get off the computer)
simon is a rock band and you're not (It's a shame he's not Def Leppard)
simon is a killer on the loose (And I keep turning my back? It's a wonder I'm not buried in the back garden!)
simon is not a well teddy (Or a happy bunny either)
simon is here (Again?)
simon is home (I noticed when he walked in and said "Hi, I'm home")
simon is quick with his jab (And I'm quicker with my duck)
simon is a megamillionaire (So why am I building an office out back when I can have men in to do it for me? What a cheap skate!)
simon is not only a talented singer (... he's a raving maniac!)
simon is so simple and so small in fact that it could be built to fill up less space than a grocery (Well, he keeps telling me he's simple, but he's taller than me, and yes, he does take up much less room than a grocery)
simon is closer to god or simon has to rise above the rest of the world (Please tell me he doesn't want to be the next David Koresh!)
simon is blessed and hand the cross back to jesus (He swears a lot for a blessed one)
simon is our first dog (Is that why it smells like dog shit in here?)
simon is kimberly (Bloody hell ... Why am I always the last to know?)
simon is not a walrus (I thought his teeth looked a bit small)
simon is amazed he could dance on stilts like stickney (I'm amazed he'd even try to dance while sober. He usually only wants to dance while pissed)
simon is a guy who just has too much time on his hands and chooses to spend it bothering people through the mail (The things he gets up to while I'm at university!)
simon is even stronger and more featured filled than before (I'm always up for new features!)
simon is not so bad (Nah, I've known worse!)
simon is a free swinger who walked just 15 times in 256 (I can't even get up to walk around the corner to the shop!)
simon is not a politician ? yet ? not even a citizen (I can't get him to vote either)
simon is a conservative (He bloody well better not be! I'd never marry a conservative! Yuck, phewy!)
simon is told that jack has been put in charge of the website and simon is in charge of the genetic research (So what are Simon and Jack trying to clone? I didn't even know Jack knew html since he's only 7!)
simon is back in chalk drawing land and is talking to the chalk land children about cars but they have never seen (And they'll all ride away to the chalk fairy land where they'll eat chalk ice cream and collect chalk seashells)

So I tried my ex-husbands and got this for the second one. I'm sure he'll get a laugh out of them and appreciate the humour, especially since I didn't come up with these myself:

richard is a tart (I won't say it.)
richard is a trip (An acid trip?)
richard is caught spamming (Ha! I knew it was him!)
richard is escorted by secretary (He's run off with his secretary?)
richard is a very sexy (Harrump!)
richard is dead (Hey, I didn't come up with this!)
richard is a card carrying homo (Oops!)
richard is innocent (... until proven guilty in a court of law. I watch too much "Law and Order")
richard is guilty (Wow, the jury came back fast!)
richard is a knight to remember (And he always liked calling his mother a dragon, that's fitting)
richard is gone (Where?)
richard is no sissy (I never said he was)
richard is an overpopulation doomsayer (He needs to be quiet then)
richard is right (He always thinks he is anyway!)
richard is back (He wasn't gone long then)
richard is feeling very tired these days (He needs vitamins)
richard is portrayed as a man whose ideals were too pure for the society he inhabited (Now, I think he'll agree that "pure" is not a word often associated with him)
richard is seen as god's representative on earth and only richard (What is it with the men being god's and god's representatives stuff? Sheesh!)
richard is that he is not really a man of action; he confronts and deals with difficulties by internalising (He shouts a lot for a guy who internalises everything)
richard is also considered as a reincarnation of machiaveli (So true!)
richard is certainly challenging (I can't disagree with that)
richard is visited by the sundry ghosts of the people he has slain (Shit! He's slain people? I was lucky to get out alive then!)

I'm not sure my first husband has as much of a sense of humour, but what the hell:

drew is a fag (I didn't write these, honest!)
drew is gone (Well, he's never been here to start with)
drew is on crack (A crack in the pavement? That used to mean "break your mother's back" when I was a kid)
drew is a bitch (Aren't we all?)
drew is right (Hmmmm, debatable)
drew is copyrighted and trademarked by simon & schuster inc (No wonder I never got any royalties)
drew is on the case (It's easier to lock when the suitcase is that stuffed full of crap)
drew is a highly selective (... what? someone give me a clue!)
drew is a city boy at heart (So why's he living in the country?)
drew is excited when kate finally realizes that she is ready to have sex with him (I didn't really want to know that)
drew is reduced to selling men's underwear after lord mercer and milan discover their accountants (... are pilfering from the satin undie collection!)
drew is given to repeating to impressionable callers the dogma that has come to represent the psychiatric community (So look out, Jehovah's Witnesses!)
drew is married and has triplets (Someone better tell the kids they have three new siblings!)
drew is half the boy he used to be (And twice the man he never was)
drew is explicit erotic piercing (Too kinky, not his style)
drew is usually wrong (Aren't all ex-husbands? Ooops! Sorry Gary!)
drew is trying to learn this (I don't think he'll ever learn he's usually wrong)
drew is naked under his trench coat (I didn't want to know that either)
drew is a very innovative farmer (Goats with curly hair)

Of course, I've editted it leaving all the interesting and best bits in, but that's what ex-wives are for. Obviously I've made sure that no last names or locations are mentioned for their sanity.