Things I've Learned in the Past Twenty Years

A couple of days ago, I had a conversation by email with an old friend from high school in which I commented that I've learned a lot in the past twenty years. When we were just about to start our junior year of high school, we used to go out into the little office my dad built in his garage and play computer games. What a couple of innocents we were back then! So, when I made the comment about learning a lot, he asked, "Like what?" That got me thinking. Exactly what have I learned in the past two decades?

I love having the back of my neck nibbled. I can't emphasise that enough, though it doesn't mean anyone has ever paid that much attention to what I'm saying.

Some men like wearing women's underwear, but I don't like sharing my knickers.

Showers can be more fun when there are two people in there, even if there's not much space.

When all else fails, go to Ann Summers, and don't forget to stop somewhere to pick up a couple of packs of AA batteries.

Porn movies are stupid. Erotic stories are much better.

It's quality that is important, not quantity. Take that however you want.

Having sex on schedule once a week does not mean you have a great sex life. Once a month can be better if the sex is incredible.

Love bites don't have to be on your neck.

Grass stains come out of the back of your skirt, and even if they don't, they can be worth having to throw the skirt away.

Who cares about the back seat of the car when the front seat leans back?