Life Sucks

How much worse can my life get? I'm having an absolutely shit day to follow on from a stressful week. The one thing that really made me smile lately has left the building, disappearing into the realms of legend like Elvis Presley. To console myself, I'm watching "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason". That's how absolutely shit I feel.

I must be running in self-destruct mode because I keep setting myself up for total failure. And now I've done it again. Typical me. A few days ago I was ready to go out and buy Dennis a bottle of the best whiskey I could lay my hands on for talking me into going on the Euro trip. Now I want to go kick him in the balls.

Okay, maybe this wasn't the ideal film to choose. Boy, am I pathetic or what!

Right. Time for me to get a grip. Maybe I'll start planning a holiday abroad. And tomorrow I move into my new house. Things can't be all that bad.

New Pic

I told some friends of mine last night that I was going out for a few drinks, and they insisted on seeing a picture of me in my new top! Kate will recognise it -- I couldn't fit into it a month ago!



Forgive the bags under the eyes. I only took the picture after several hours of not being able to sleep!

Moving and Other Stuff

I've been given a house in the area, and it's absolutely gorgeous! I drove by yesterday after I found out the address, and the workmen just happened to be there, so I had a wander around.

Fully furnished with new immaculate furniture, new carpeting, all the appliances I need ... I don't know that I'll ever want to leave! Maybe if the council offered me a four bedroom house somewhere. Monday morning I get to pick up the keys.

Today I took Malorie out for a pub lunch, then took the little two for Burger King. It's Braden's turn next. I would have taken him today but I wanted to do the mother-daughter thing. The burgers with the boys was a last minute thing. I'll take Braden somewhere nice this week for a meal.

And yes, I'm still happy with my decision. I'm just too puddled to be any use as a wife.

What a Life I Have

I've been back to the house for the last time to collect what belongings I've been allowed to keep. They were out in the front garden, some of them in the mud. Others were thrown into my shed. It was amazing seeing how my life could be reduced to fitting into the back of a transit van.

I'm still very happy with my decision. There will be rocky patches ahead, but I don't have any regrets.

Another Update

I'm not going to use my blog as a forum for slagging off people during this change in my life. I won't stoop to that level. Things are stressed, but I'll get through them. Ricky and Jack seem happier than I've ever seen them. My ex-husband, a frequent commenter on this blog, and his wife have been amazingly kind, letting me sleep in Jack's room. I never would have thought it, but like they said, if something happens to me, the boys suffer. Lynn and Steve have also been stars by letting Malorie and Braden stay with them.

I'm looking forward to having a place of my own. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just too puddled and independent to do anything more than be on my own. Maybe that means I'm difficult to live with, I don't know, but I'm ready to just be myself for the sake of myself without having to answer to anyone, so long as things don't affect my kids.

I have other things to look forward to, like the upcoming Law Ball. Natalie and I have been trying to talk my friend Jamie into going, even though he's not a law student. I think it would be great to have him there! I've leaned on his shoulder enough in the past year so I'd like to repay him a bit by having a good night out.

So I'm obviously bearing up well and prepared for things to come. I probably haven't reacted the way most people would expect, but if they disapprove, I'm afraid I can't do anything about it. I'm just me.

No News

Still no place of my own, but hopefully the council will have that sorted by the weekend. The kids seem to be doing really well. I'm impressed with them.

I'm still not eating or sleeping properly, but I'm sure that will rectify itself soon. I'm trying to keep on going to uni for lectures, though concentration is just not happening for me!

Normal Service To Be Resumed Shortly

I'm sorry that there's not much to blog about. My life is in turmoil as I try to find somewhere to live now that I've split from my husband. I'm sure I will fill in details at some other point, but for now, I'll stick to leaving it short and sweet.

Hey Guys, I'm Back!

What a trip! I'm going to have to blog about it in stages because there's just so much to say. Then again, there's tons of stuff I can't or shouldn't say. I'll post in day blocks of things I remember. Since I was sober 99% of the time, I'll bet I remember more than most people do!

Amazing for me, I only took a few pics while I was there. Like when I was in London with Kate a few weeks ago, I just couldn't be bothered. I love photography, so I'm not sure why that is, but hey, I'll be back to snapping pics manically in no time.

Here's the best of the ones I took with my digital camera. I took a disposible one out with me because it was lighter, so there will be a few more to come from that one.

Sleeping Beauty -- Poor Ben! He had too much wine and too little sleep!


One of the few landscape-type pics I did take, of a village and vineyard in Alcace (I hope I spelled that right)


Their Drunken Lordships -- Glyn and Dennis at the wine tasting


The exterior of the French vineyard with Rich and the top of Ben's head in the foreground


Laura tried to leave Rob a message on his forehead when he dropped off to sleep on the coach


Nicola and I had neighbouring balconies to Ryan and Laura in the hotel in Brussels


Laura strikes a pose

One for the Road

Short and Sweet

This won't be a very long post.

I went to the tournament this morning. I didn't win anything, but as bad as my nerves were, I'm just happy not to have forgotten my pattern. I'll do better next time. And it's one of my goals for 2006 done!

Stupid Jeep. Cost me £30 in diesel -- just to get there! I had to put another £30 to get home!

I needed a nap badly but couldn't manage more than 20 minutes. Oh well. At least I don't have to drive tonight.

I will report on my trip when I get home on Friday!

What a Day!

I should have spent today preparing for the Tae Kwon Do tournament and the trip to Strasbourg and Brussels. Instead I spent the morning preparing for my moot this afternoon, and then I mooted for two hours. I didn't have much hopes of winning the case because neither Gautier nor I have ever mooted before, and I wasn't disappointed as far as the facts of the case went. It was a legal draw.

BUT as far as style, content and arguments went, we scored high enough to be one of the eight teams to go on to the second round of the competition! Talk about stunned. I really thought I blew it when I deviated from my written script and basically argued with the "judge", but she said that was the best part!

I've received the case for the next round, and I realised that it was either an assignment or exam question last year. I have a feeling it was the assignment I handed in last January, but do I still have that paper? Not that I can find anywhere.

I did spend this afternoon packing my clothes and the kettle. The kettle is a necessity since it seems that most of our stay will be in a hotel with no tea and coffee making facilities. Since I'm on an extremely limited budget, I need the kettle for my coffee, cappuccinos and Pot Noodles.

It will be an early night for me tonight! I have to be up at six tomorrow morning to head off for the tournament! I hate early mornings.

Proof That I Must Be Insane

This afternoon I went in search of the organiser for the trip to Brussels. What a rollercoaster! I wasn't sure when his office hours were, so I asked around and was told that he should be in his office and that there were still plenty of places on available.

I waited a while, went and played on the computer in the IT lab, then went back to check the office. No Jim, but I found Dennis. He seemed happy to hear that I had emailed Jim to ask if I could be reinstated into the place I gave up when I asked for my deposit back, but he was under the impression that the trip was full.

So, I waited some more. I went back to the IT lab, sent Jim an email asking him to ring me, then started home when I spotted him heading to his office at last! Unfortunately, he told me that it was true that the trip was oversubscribed, and I was not on the list. He needed to get a bit more organised, and he promised to ring me tomorrow, but it was a case of "don't get your hopes up".

Off I went, like a good little trooper with my head held high. I told myself as I got on the tram that I was in no worse position than I was yesterday morning before Dennis started doing what he called, "Showing you the error of your ways". I was disappointed, just like I was when I decided I shouldn't go because of the gall stones, but it wasn't the end of the world.

Then my mobile rang. I couldn't quite hear what Jim was saying at first because the connection was dodgy, so I asked, "That's a yes? I can go?" and he confirmed.

This is where the "I must be insane" bit comes in. I'm going with £20, a suitcase full of food from Tesco, and three bottles of wine, plus my Tia Maria if I can find room for it. I'm going to eat the breakfast that comes with the room in the hotel, I'll pack sandwiches for eating while out during the day, and I'm going to eat Pot Noodles and stuff like that in the room when I'm getting ready to go out in the evenings.

As far as I'm concerned, this will give me a chance to lose those seven pounds I've put on over Christmas and birthdays. Like I told Shell earlier, I'm taking my diet on the road!

Happy Birthday Granny Ruth!

It's my grandmother's birthday today! I even managed to get a card in the post to her before her birthday rather than after (though I still have her Christmas present here), which is a major improvement over the past 8 years.

I do miss her a lot. I used to spend every summer at her house in East Texas. Her house was damaged by the hurricane that hit Texas last summer (was it Rita? I think that was the name), but from what I've been able to gather from my parents, the repairs are finished.

She's one great lady, and I hope I can make it over to see her before too long!

The pic is from my aunt Glenda, and it shows Granny Ruth with my cousin's son Dillon, who was born on Jack's first birthday, so he's just turned 7 on the 23rd of December.

Can't Sleep

I've got too much going on at the moment, which is not conducive to good sleep! I've got to prepare for my moot on Friday, and I've got a few nerves about that because I'm not as prepared as I'd like to be. The pair who win go on to the next round, and the ultimate winners get a cash prize.

Then there's the Tae Kwon Do competition on Saturday. Big nerves about that one. I keep going through chon-ji in my head even though I'm trying not to.

And I can't help but try to figure out how to manage that Brussels trip next week. It's not like I need to buy souvenirs and all the crap I spent a fortune on last year. I'm also not drinking a whole lot, so I'm sure I could reduce that to nothing. As far as food goes, I could do the suitcase stocked full of groceries from Tesco, and then just nick chips off other people's plates. Dennis said that I could sit and watch him eat his steak, and he'd throw me some of his carrots. Cheeky git. Still, six days in Europe ... It'll be worth a bit of steak-watching.

Shame it's not Australian beef. I know that comment was way out in left field (baseball expression, sorry), but I'm tired, and the mention of steak reminded me of a picture I've seen recently with Mark Webber labeled as Australian beef. I wonder who has that picture?

Close But No Cigar

I never should have got my hopes up. I had cancelled my trip to Belgium with the law department, and then today, out of the blue, Dennis tried to talk me out of staying home. He had a great argument and reminded me of how much fun it was last year. I pointed out that I cancelled because of my gall stones, and he said that didn't matter because everyone would take care of me if I had another attack. All I needed to do was scrape up a bit of money for some food.

Well, I tried. I've gone over everything to try and find £50, and while I could probably just manage to get by with taking that much out of the household account, I realised that it's not going to go very far while I'm in Europe. Even if I take food and make my own lunches, it just won't stretch for six days.

Now I'm devastated again. I need to go kick Dennis in the shins.

I'm Knackered!

Well this has been a strange birthday! I think it was the cheese on toast that did it. It set the tone for the rest of the day. Or was it the fact that, although I was suffering with an acute attack of gall stones, I still managed to switch the telly on to cricket to watch Sri Lanka against South Africa. Not only that, but despite the codeine, I managed to work out a lot of how the game is scored!

I think codeine might be a good thing for my brain, actually. I found out how I did on my land law assignment when I was in my seminar today. I wrote that paper in such a haze that I didn't expect to do well at all. I got a 61. Under the circumstances, that's an awesome grade! Now if I can only find out that I've done as well in admin law and equity!

Simon cooked the dinner I requested: Chicken Dippers and curly fries with tons of barbecue sauce to dip it all in. Not that it was a cordon bleu recipe that he had to follow, but I'm so stuffed now I think I'm going to pop! That's two nights in a row I have totally stuffed myself!

Thanks to everyone who sent cards, emails and text messages to me over the past couple of days. I have never had so many birthday wishes in my life!

Another Word Search

I love these things! I'm sure I'll get tired of them soon when the novelty wears off, but for now, I'm having fun.

Braden's Birthday Breakfast

Braden kept insisting that he was going to make me breakfast in bed this morning. He's been bugging me all weekend, telling me to be sure there was cheese left over because, when he asked me what I like on my toast, I said cheese.

And he was true to his word. At 7.00 this morning, he brought me cheese on toast. Unfortunately I wasn't in bed because I was in the midst of another acute gall stone attack so I'd moved to the couch to keep from waking Simon up, but gall stones or no gall stones, I had to laugh at Braden's idea of cheese on toast!

(Sorry the picture is blurry. I didn't realise I hadn't focussed the camera properly until after the toast was gone!)

Stroppy Cows and Headaches

What a day! This is the first Monday I've had my 9.00 victimology lecture/seminar since before Christmas, and it did take some motivation to get my butt out of bed and off to the tram station for 7.50! I made it just in time, though I didn't get to stop and pick up my usual cup of coffee from the campus canteen. Still, I managed to stay awake for the two hour session. It's not actually that hard, seeing as how it's a topic I enjoy, and I also like the lecturer/tutor. We have North American origins in common, so I'm also the one person who never has to ask, "What did she say?" because of her Canadian accent.

Yesterday Jack and I did a bit of head banging. Unfortunately it was against each other's heads. After victimology, my head was aching and my stomach was churning, so I decided to play it safe and head home rather than stick around until my 2.00 land law lecture. (I printed the notes and am using those as guidance with my textbook, so hopefully I won't be too far behind.)

On the way to the tram, I stopped to see about getting my deposit back for the trip to Brussels, which I can't go on because of my gall bladder. I'm still really disappointed not to be going. I had such a good time last year that I will treasure the memories. At least, by not going this year, my memories of last year's trip won't be tainted. But I digress ... as usual.

The lady in the office informed me that, not only do I not get my deposit back, but I also have to pay the balance due -- another £70! I told her that the trip organiser informed us when we signed up that, if for some reason we couldn't go, if we pulled out at the beginning of January, we could have our deposit back. She said nope, no way. No fifty quid, which is a lot of money to me, and I'm expected to pay the other seventy. Any arguments, I needed to go see Jim, who organises the trip.

Needless to say this wasn't making my headache or stomach feel better, so it was off to see Jim. Fortunately he was in his office, and, being the lovely guy he is, he said that because I let him know in early January, and because I'm pulling out for medical reasons, I can have my deposit back. He was so sweet it made me even sadder that I'm not going again. I'm going to take a bottle of Chardonnay in tomorrow and give it to one of the other lecturers going on the trip to surprise Jim with, just as a thank you. Maybe they can toast the fact that the silly American isn't going, but the least I can do is buy them all a drink to do it with!

As Puzzled As Diana

Thanks to Diana, I have a new favourite link to play around with! I've created my own word search puzzle that you're welcome to try:

Skipping This Year's Birthday

Due to unforeseen circumstances (notably the fact that people such as Simon and my ex-husband keep picking on me) I shall be skipping this year's birthday. I will announce shortly whether birthdays will be added to calendars for 2007 and beyond.

And to counter-act the rumours currently going around, I should add that: 1) no, I will not be of pensionable age anytime soon, and 2) yes, I do look damn good for my age!

Super Bowl Sunday

Tonight is the Super Bowl. I haven't followed American football very much this year despite my intentions to when the season started back in August. I only found out from my friend Swifty who was playing in the Super Bowl last weekend when we were in London, and I pretended that I already knew. Sad, I know.

I've found myself watching cricket more than American football, to be honest. I woke up early this morning, and I thought, "I'll watch cricket". It's a shame my timing was so crap because I turned on the telly in time to see the last two minutes of the Australia v South Africa match.

I still don't understand how they score cricket, though I'm sure my cricket fan friends don't understand how they score American football (apart from Swifty). If I can learn football scoring, I'm sure that, eventually, I'll figure out cricket.

It's the Weekend

I can't seem to see my blog, but evidently it's still there somewhere because I can post to it. How strange. Seems cyberspace is against me tonight.

Today's much better than yesterday. Simon's still spent most of his time on the computer, but when I came home from Tae Kwon Do, he came into the living room and watched a movie with Jack and me. (Ricky said he didn't want to watch it, but it turns out he watched it after in when Braden switched it on in their room.) He even cooked his own dinner tonight. And, apart from one or two, he's been making his own cups of tea! Amazing. Maybe he was worried that, since I'd just come from my lesson, I might attempt a few kicks to the head if he didn't straighten up. Then again, if I did attempt that, he'd most likely just laugh at me.

It's less than a week now until the tournament, and I'm starting to get a bit nervous. I'm also starting to wonder what possessed me to enter. Well, I'll be happy if I can make it through without making a fool of myself. I've never won a trophy in my life, so it won't kill me to walk away without one. My instructor wasn't there today, but the black belt who took over the lesson had the two of us go through our patterns for the competition, and he said he couldn't find anything to fault me with at all. That was a nice thing for him to say. I can tell what I'm doing wrong though. Now I just have to try to change it.

I haven't checked my numbers, but I'm willing to bet that I didn't win the lottery again tonight. Shame, because if I win, I'm going to go to all the European F1 races in a single season, and I told Kate I'd take her with me! I suppose I'll have to take Simon too.

One thing I did tell him tonight is that, when I'm working, once all our debts are paid off (which aren't a lot added all together, but when you have practically no income it seems like a lot), I'm going to start saving up to go to the Australian GP in 2008. I think aiming to go in 2007 will be a bit too ambitious, and I'd like to try to go see my family in Texas either at the end of this year or early next year. I haven't been since the end of July 2000.

What a Great Start to the Weekend!

Well, my Friday has been a real hoot! I asked Simon for some help with something, which lead to World War III, which has lead to him not speak to me or the kids. This is going to be a fun weekend.

I didn't win the EuroMillions jackpot. A share in that £125 million would have been nice.

I've spent today working on my dissertation research. Man, it's going a lot slower than I thought it would! Still, with some perseverancee, I'll get there. Eventually.

Otherwise, today's been just a day. The kids haven't fought too much, actually. I think they sense that I'm in a "mood", and they can tell it's not aimed at them because they're not walking around on eggshells. They're just being more cuddly than usual. All four of them!

Tae Kwon Do will be good tomorrow, especially if I get to do some kicking on the kick pads. I always do really well when I have pent up aggression!

Jack, Malorie and Ricky

Jack, Malorie and Ricky
Originally uploaded by mkknowles.

I'm not sure who was more of a poser. Jack kept jumping in the pictures, and Malorie wanted her picture without anyone else in it. I compromised, and this is the one with her two littlest brothers. Braden had disappeared with his friends, but he hates having his picture taken so probably wouldn't have been in it anyway.

The cake wasn't bad. I had three pieces. Hey, they're only little ones!

Yuck Day

What an absolutely crap day. Even though I went to bed early last night, I couldn't make myself wake up this morning, and I've felt worn out all day. Then Malorie came home from school complaining that people at school didn't know it was her birthday and that she hadn't had any presents to open. Seeing as how I'd been saving those for later when everyone was at home, I kept my mouth shut. But then she started complaining that "all" Simon and I got her was her provisional driving license and two driving lessons. She said there are "more important" things than that. I think she meant credit for her phone and clothes.

I lost it. I burst into tears and ran upstairs. I got the other present we had for her, took it downstairs unwrapped, dropped it in her lap and left to pick the little monsters up from school. Fortunately Lynn gave her a mobile phone (Lynn's had a new one), and that present seemed good enough.

Ricky and Jack have actually been monsters today. Well, Ricky hasn't been too bad apart from when he and Jack have been fighting. Jack has been horrible because I told him today is a non-computer game day. They spend way too much time on their Gameboys, computers and the X-Box, so I've told them that they can only spend a limited amount of time on those. Ricky started writing a story, which is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping he'd do. Jack did voluntarily pick up a book, and he said he read two chapters.

Jack's also been a bit wound up because some of the boys at school today told him that one of their mums was making a "secret folder" about how bad Jack has been. What makes kids so cruel? I've noticed that some of the kids whose mothers are good friends tend to exclude those whose mothers are not part of the close-knit group. I'm not bothered what the other mothers think of me. I like the ones I speak to regularly (yes, Marie, if you read this, that includes you!), and if the others speak to me, I'm happy to speak back. I didn't know it was a requirement for me to be best buddies with all the mums so their kids would be nice to my kids.

Braden has just been Braden today. He's a wind up merchant, and today his victim was Jack. All he has to do is mimick Jack, the way Jack mimicks everyone else, and Jack's roaring. Simon has been on the computer all day. Surprise surprise. He's discover online poker, though fortunately only free games.

My Daughter Is 17

She's excited, and I feel old. I decided to post some pictures of her for the occasion. Sorry, but I'm getting a bit carried away, so there are quite a few!

Malorie not long after she came home from the hospital in February 1989:



Malorie having a giggle in the front garden. Back behind her is Bussey Middle School, which is one of my old schools:



She loved looking at that other baby in the mirror. Now she likes looking at that other teenager in the mirror!



Malorie 16 years ago today at her first birthday party:



She took dance classes for one year, but her teacher was so horrible to her she refused to go back!



At her fourth birthday party:



She kept losing teeth for some reason:



This is the face we usually see!



Happy Birthday Baby! I love you!

This Is Just TOO Much!

If anyone ever wants to argue with me because I believe that Jordan is a pointless B-list celebrity, just remember this:

She may have just launched her new, updated autobiography...

But that's not the only thing that Jordan has to sell.

The glamour girl is thinking of putting a couple of her own very personal assets on eBay.

Jordan - real name Katie Price - is planning to have an operation to have her massive 32FF boobs reduced to make them more "pert".

And she says she'll put her unwanted silicone implants on the renowned web auction site.

Talking to Chris Moyles on Radio 1, she said: "I'm having them reduced because I want them a bit more pert.

"I've had them eight years now. So it's time for a new pair and I'll sell this lot on eBay."

Jordan, 27, says that having her children Harvey and Junior has made her famous bust a little on the saggy side.

Whether there's much demand for second-hand implants, we're not sure.

But we wish any would-be bidders the best of luck.


©2006 BSkyB

Well, It's Wednesday Again

Isn't it amazing how quickly Wednesdays roll around? I've been looking forward to today after missing my Tae Kwon Do lesson on Saturday. Still, the trip to London was definitely worth the loss of two hours of training! I do need to go to my next three lessons though since that's all I have left between now and the tournament I've entered.

I'm hoping that today will linger a bit because tomorrow I will be the mother of a seventeen year old. I think that I'm dreading that more than my mother is dreading me turning 39! Actually, I'm only 29, but I have almost 10 years' experience at being 29. I will keep telling people that I'm 29 until they stop believing me. It's amazing how many people think that I'm telling the truth.

Back to the daughter. When I was driving her to her work experience this morning, I asked her if she'd sent off her application for college. She said yes, and then told me she picked a course that is one year hair styling, two years "beauty therapy". Her friend Holly chose that course, so I'm sure that's why Malorie picked it because there are things in the course she's freaking out about doing: body waxing and ear piercing. I would have thought the three years of hair dressing would have suited her better and given her better job opportunities afterwards, but if she wants to do beauty therapy, that's up to her. I can't see her giving someone a bikini wax though. She has no problem taking a dead mouse out of a mousetrap, but mention a bikini line and she goes squeamish.

Simon says he thinks he's coming down with the flu (again). I told him not to do that because he's already miserable when he's not poorly. He told me to piss off. I wonder why.

I had to take Ricky to the dentist this morning as well as drive Malorie to work experience, get Jack to school and finish my skeleton argument for mooting. It's only 12.30, and I'm already worn out! A woman's work is never done.